dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
