Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
