New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
