Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
