stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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