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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
