this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
