Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
