wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
