are you still at the devil's house?
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
