can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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