He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
