I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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