Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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