Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize