i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
