I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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