i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
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