We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I need moral support for this bender
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
