i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
