We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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