she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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