his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
