on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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