how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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