just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
