she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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