I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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