wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
