i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
