I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
