it wasn't lemon gatorade
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
