ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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