i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
