I look better un-naked...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize