Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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