We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
