i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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