So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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