I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
