I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
