I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
