happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
