Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
