Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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