you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
