There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
