Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
