Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize