Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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