He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
