FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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