he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
