Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
