he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
