Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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