I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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