Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
this hospital has no fireball
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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