Ketchup is God's man juice
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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