i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
