Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
