Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
