i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
