I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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