can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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