She announced her abortion via fbk
this boner is exhausting
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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