he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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